Spencer Breslin as Conrad
Danielle Chuchran as Thing 1 (as Danielle Ryan Chuchran)
Talia-Lynn Prairie as Thing 2 (as Talia Prairie)
Victor Brandt as Narrator (Voice)
Daran Norris as Announcer (Voice)
Steven Anthony Lawrence as Dumb Schweitzer
Paris Hilton as Female Club-Goer
Candace Brown as Secretary (as Candace Dean Brown)
Stephen Hibbert as Jim McFinnigan
Roger W. Morrissey as Mr. Vompatatat
Ruth Cohen as Old Lady #2
Jonathan Eusebio as Party Goer
Norman Fessler as Mailman
Christina Kirkman as Girl at Party
Evette Washington as Meter Maid